RANDOM FACTS: Seven brazen predictions for 2023


— Gender reveal parties will continue to kill people. The idiotic practice of expectant couples using cannons, explosives, and airplanes to reveal the gender of their unborn child has been responsible for 30 or more deaths, including those lost in forest fires started by the gender reveal pyrotechnics. 

We predict the gender reveal madness will be responsible for killing at least two people in 2023, injuring several, and starting one forest fire. 

— A gender reveal backlash will develop in 2023. This backlash will be based not on how stupid the practice is but on the discriminatory nature of the binary view (male or female). That binary view (it’s a girl OR it’s a boy) will be criticized as outdated and harmful. 

— A discovery about UFOs will be front-page news on every major newspaper in the world. But, frustratingly, the mystery of the origins of UFOs will remain unsolved.

— Bottled air will start to become as ubiquitous as bottled water. Fifty years ago, you wouldn’t find bottled water in the typical American household. 

Now, in America, some people would rather go thirsty than drink perfectly good water out of the tap. 

In 2023, bottled air will be offered as an alternative to the perfectly good air you have available by simply inhaling. 

In 2023, you’ll begin to see people walking around with a bottles of mountain air on their belts, breathing it through tubes that lead to face masks.mask.

— The Historic Onancock School performance pavilion will be a success. In 2023, the HOS pavilion will be completed and will showcase a variety of events and musical performances. 

Criticisms of the pavilion having been answered in a series of meetings with pavilion neighbors, support for the pavilion’s programs grew throughout the year, problems with crowds and parking did not develop, and the pavilion became one of Onancock’s success stories.

— A hurricane will molest the Eastern Shore in 2023. This hurricane’s name will begin with one of the letters in the word, Shore.

— An Eastern Shore town will be chosen as the best. A publication or travel website will choose a Shore town as the best small town in Virginia or the best place to visit or the best example of small-town living. 

The difference for this prediction is that in 2023 that best Eastern Shore town will not be Chincoteague, Onancock, or Cape Charles.

If we’re around next January 2024, we’ll dig out these 2023 predictions and see if we got any right.

The writer is a copy editor for the Eastern Shore Post. He is the author of 12 novels, including “The Crying Heart Tattoo,” which was named a New York Times Notable Book of the Year. He lives in Accomack County.

Previous articleNew Year’s predictions that won’t materialize
Next articleJohn Wesley Thorne Sr.